Friday, August 30, 2013

The Missing Parent

I have certainly had a heck of a about an emotional roller coaster. Between what happen last week with my oldest son, then the phone call I got last night... I just didn't know how I was going to make it through today, let alone keep my head up & continue to push forward through this never ending battle I'm in. 

Last night I got a call that baby daddy, of this little guy I'm waiting for to arrive, has turned himself in & will be on his way to prison for a while...A long while. From what I understand at least 4 years, if not longer. That was a hard pill to swallow. I've known this was coming, which is why we have been split up. However what I didn't know was the emotions that would hit when I got off the phone. I've got so many questions...

* How am I going to keep his/her daddy's image & spirit alive?
* How am I going to make sure he/she knows who he is when he gets out & come to meet his child for the first time?
* How do I handle a new relationship?
* What if I get into something serious & end up married by that time? How will he handle it?
* Will he want to try & be a family when he comes & finds us? 
* How do I make sure that while he's away, he don't miss ANYTHING?

So many questions.... But I think I've come up with a way & am adjusting, slowly, to all of it. 

How do you deal with a parent missing from the home due to similar reasons? Any tips would be very helpful!

I ended up crying nearly all night. The emotions were overwhelming & I'm sure the hormones weren't helping at all. I mean, this is the father of the child I am carrying. His first child. Knowing what kind of man he truly is, knowing what kind of father he was to my daughter... Knowing what kind of heart this man has... Just amazing. I am so proud to have such a man to father this child, even if it will be years before he gets the chance.

I ended up going for a 3 mile walk this morning....3 miles, I know! But by doing so I got myself out of the house & was able to release a little stress. I am considering going on those walks more often & hopefully this will keep me on a better path mentally, & of course physically as well.

I am also taking on the 30 day squat challenge again, starting Sunday...This time I am actually going to finish it!